The Forecast is Smuggy-ness, Followed by Rain

I beg your pardon, I do believe it’s getting a little smuggy in here.

Yes, it’s smuggy alright, it’s from that front of smug people who just got in through the front door.

I can’t believe the type they’re letting in these days, I mean this place used to be exclusive, now any smug bastard can just waltz through the door looking like he, or she, owns the place and is the best thing that ever walked into it. Bah! I say we pox them! Pox them until their ears bleed! What do you mean that’s not the right word?

What? How can you box an ear? One side is already attached to the head, you could not put an ear in a box and close it, that’s the most ridiculous expression I have ever heard! Box? Pfft. I suppose you’re going to tell me everybody says that expression that way– now who’s the smug looking one?

Yeah, that’s right, you just sit there and drink your Mimosa, you smug little good for nothing. Why don’t you go over there and sit with all the other smug people? What’s that? You don’t like cheap vodka poured from expensive looking bottles? Well neither do I …so I guess you can stay for the time being.

Look at them. being all smug and superior, as if they’re what makes this place cool! Ha! Without US this place wouldn’t even be on the map! I’d like to see you find a place like this on a map if we didn’t go there first! We didn’t make the maps, but we made them put the stars on it… wherever we were, that’s where the star went!

Those smug bastards, they are the map readers. And for that matter their map isn’t all that up to date either, so smug were they, they forgot to check and see if the likes of us had updated the maps, making new places for stars to fit. Those smug bastards probably think we’re going to just do it all for them. Like I’m going to walk right up to them and say, I beg your pardon, but I believe your social map needs a little updating.

Ha ah hah ha ha ha! As if I would do that!

No chance would I give those guys the opportunity to look down on me from up on high, as if they really were, when in fact the opposite is true, for it is I, Kevin, who is looking down on them!

Ha! if only they knew, their smug little egos would just wither and they’d have no choice but to slink away in discontent and un-smugness from the realization that they are not so superior as they think.

…And their vodka tastes awful! You call that vodka? I don’t! Give me a good old whiskey with a diet cola any old day of the week… unless it’s Friday, no wine on Friday because that is like seriously weird… but every other day for sure!

In fact, on any given day, excepting Fridays, if a total stranger walked up to me and said: hey buddy, how about a little whiskey and soda? I’d say: is that soda cola-flavored? Well then, sure thing buddy and keep them coming.

On the other hand if he said: how about a wine cooler, well I’d have no other reply for him than to laugh in his face. I’d really have no choice in the matter. And if he’s going to offer me a Zima or something, well… punches will be thrown and the trouble begins! No sir, no smug little alco-pop drinks for old Kevin! It will be a cold day in hell before I go around drinking hard lemonade, wine coolers or any alcoholic beverage that comes in a long-necked bottle– unless that long-necked bottle should contain a mixture of hops, barley and malt or in other words a little thing we like to call “beer”. Yes, give me a good old beer any day of the week, excepting Friday, and I’ll be your buddy for life, I will.

That is, I would be your buddy if you aren’t one of those damn smug bastards over there. Ha! How long have we been coming here, I know they know I’m here all the time because I always smile at them when they’re in the washroom. I smile and I smile and I smile and nothing gets through to them. No, no free beers for old Kevin from the smuggy smug mugs over there, they’re too good for old Kevin and his pal… his pal… what’s your name again?

Never mind, go back to your Singapore Sling, I’m way to worked up to remember it for very long anyway, try me again tomorrow.


About rocjoe

Once a full-time software developer. Chances are if you've paid for a beer or a sandwich on any major airline in the past 5 years, code I wrote has reached you. I shifted to part-time software developing about a year ago, as a step towards a better quality of life. I still code but the 20-hour work days are a thing of the past. Lately I amuse myself by pretending I am a witty and insightful blogger. All three of those things ("witty", "insightful" and "blogger") are totally false. My promise to you: nowhere in this blog will you see source-code or technical speak. This is purely a blog for personal fun and discovery. View all posts by rocjoe

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