Saturday Morning Sketch: Just another evening in the Fandango Room

OK! First things first, let’s get this cleared up right away without any room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation: I never said she was ugly, just that she looked kind of ugly.

See? There’s a small difference there that really means a lot in semantic conversations like this one. Don’t get bogged down in semantics with me, I tell you. I’ll take you to school and show you a few things about semantics that you wouldn’t even know the meaning of! So just you watch your step there buddy.

Now back to the original point, which was this: there were plenty of people in the bar that were not as attractive as she was, but she certainly wasn’t the finest puppy in the littler either.

You have to admit that the napkin stuck to the side of her face was really dammed unattractive. Oh sure, it may have just been a really large band-aid or something but that’s just emphasizes my point doesn’t it? If you can’t go outside looking good, why bother going out at all? I mean, you just end up blocking the view to someone more attractive than yourself. Not that unattractiveness is necessarily a permanent thing. Come back out when the scabs heal, honey, then we can talk.

Frankly, I don’t see where you get off copping such an attitude, I mean I stood right next to her and looked really sorry for calling her ugly, almost speaking a verbal apology, before pointing to my temple with my index finger and making a “that’s so crazy” twirling motion just to let the guys know I’m not being a total fag or something.

I felt that bad, really I did. Clearly, no difference could ever make up  to her anyway, as I do believe  the napkin was partially stuck in her ear making it difficult to listen to reasonable dialog such as my own, so I didn’t bother.

Next you’ll be telling me I’m some sort of bastard for not trying to apologize directly to her, and I think you are completely wrong on this point too. After all, if you’re going to limp around like that going “my crutches! my crutches! give me back my crutches!” then I’ll just be all: “don’t get so unattractive on me, shape up or ship out or limp out or whatever it is you do”. …Don’t look at me that way!

How can you really be sure she was crying over something I said? I mean she was in a car accident just the other day, maybe she’s crying because she’s got some wicked bad post traumatic stress disease or something…. Yeah, I bet you didn’t think of that one did you?

What do you mean by “of course not”? Are you agreeing that you’re not as sensitive and intelligent as I am, is that it?

Well if that’s the case you’ve got a thing or two to learn about the basic principles of formal debate because you friend are getting your butt whooped just now. Not that any debating skills would matter when you’re up against my keen mind and laser focused intellect. Yes, that’s it, throw your hands up in the air and walk away… you’re not going to win many debates with that kind of attitude my friend!

I tell you some people just aren’t ready for what I’m dishing out.

In a way I feel kind of sorry for these poor bastards, nobody can handle me and my intellect because when I throw down, it stays down and nobody’s going to pick it up unless I’m done with it. What doyou mean what is “it”? “It” is what I’m throwing down! Do you dare to pick it up? Ha, there you go again! Turning your back to me and shaking your head has no place in a serious semantic debate such as this one! I suggest you smarten up a bit there and get your shit together so we can resolve this discussion of its own volition so we can move on to more important things.

… Hey dude, I don’t know what you said to those big buys at the front door when you walked away for a few seconds just now, but I think you really pissed them off because they’re headed this way and mean they look like somebody just pissed in their corn flakes. Aren’t you going to get a move on? They look so serious and it’s probably all your fault since you were the last one to talk to them and all that, oh shit they’re here…

Hi gentlemen, what can we do for you today? No I don’t think I’ve had any trouble finding the door, it’s right over there after all and — hey put me down!


About rocjoe

Once a full-time software developer. Chances are if you've paid for a beer or a sandwich on any major airline in the past 5 years, code I wrote has reached you. I shifted to part-time software developing about a year ago, as a step towards a better quality of life. I still code but the 20-hour work days are a thing of the past. Lately I amuse myself by pretending I am a witty and insightful blogger. All three of those things ("witty", "insightful" and "blogger") are totally false. My promise to you: nowhere in this blog will you see source-code or technical speak. This is purely a blog for personal fun and discovery. View all posts by rocjoe

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