Being such a terrible communicator it is better than mere irony that I find you reading this…
In fact, I am such a bad communicator that I need to practice talking all the time (and you thought I was just crazy, talking to myself all day!), rehearsing simple questions and statements as often as I can. You see, my bad communication skills tend to let me jumble up really simple conversation starters like “What time is it?” into “Kinky Brussels sprout sadist!”. Just try and explain that one away to the unfortunate person standing next to you on the subway platform or in front of you at the grocery checkout line. Not easy.
Take all assurance that this situation is just as embarrassing to me as it would be to an unfortunate person like you could be one of these days.
Hence, the writing is good enough practice to retard the broken engine in my head just enough that “Orange boot heel scrap metal” comes out correctly as “I think it is about to rain, oh darn.”
It is not all bad, cryptanalysts have approached me about turning my affliction into a natural cryptography method. After all, what better cryptography tool than your own brain and mouth? No one can tell that you have a special cryptography device and you can use it at any time anywhere or all the time everywhere, if that’s what you really want.
However, I have accepted nothing and made no promises to these cryptanalysts yet I am suspicious that other people watching me believe that I have already turned myself into a super spy and attempt to converse with me in super-secret spy language. For example the other day a bus driver told me to “get encapsulated by the bluest fire exit” instead of “exact change only”. I found that a little suspicious.