Grocery Checkout Lines and the Meaning of Life

Crackers… olives… coconut water… yep! Shopping list is complete. Breakfast of champions!

Wow, would you look at that? Only one register is open and it’s the middle of the day! What were they thinking?

This shouldn’t be too bad, I see I’ll be queuing up behind an elderly lady, some guy with a twitch in his neck, another guy who is extremely tall and skinny, a woman in a business ‘power suit’ and a mother with her toddler son. That’s just five people, I’ll be through this in no time.

…Gosh, that skinny guy is like really skinny. I mean really skinny. I reckon he makes a whistling sound on a windy day if he turns sideways to the wind current.

Great, the toddler is making faces at me, I would rise to the bait but I think I’ll just gaze at the magazine covers. Hm. Seems if you’re not getting cheated on, you’re getting pregnant or you’re pregnant but the father is cheating on you, or you’re pregnant because you cheated with someone else. Same stuff, different week.

This line hasn’t moved at all. What the hell… I mean I can see the cashier from here, she’s actually doing stuff, so why isn’t this line moving forward?

How many people are left? One… two… three… four… five.Huh, you know I could have sworn the kid making faces was a toddler, but you know he’s too big for that on second glance.

Ugh. Internet on my phone is broken. Bogus. Why does it always happen in the checkout line?

Look at that! I reckon twitchy-guy is going to lose it pretty soon. I mean he looks really agitated. Hey, did twitchy take a step forward since i last looked? Maybe there’s nothing left to get so twitchy about: one.. two… three… four… five. Dammit!

…Hey, what’s my eye doing? Feels like there’s a little earthquake going on there?

Toddler definitely not a toddler but a teenager. He looks old enough to be driving soon. How did I miss that?

Old lady at the front can’t get the hang of using the debit card machine. She’s entered her PIN wrong like 4 or five times now. Wow, look at twitchy! He’s going purple.

But never mind that, the young man in front of me just introduced his fianceé to his mother. Ooo! They do not like each other at… all!

Hey, what’s going on now? The old lady is getting her items cashed out again? What the hell?

Gosh, what well behaved grandchildren the lady in front of me has. Ah, that’s it, she’s placated them with candy bars.

Magazine rack looks the same as before. President Chelsea Clinton denies she’s carrying Justin Bieber’s unborn child. Oh man, I think the line is going backwards. The checkout line is actually going backwards now.

Forget this, life is too short. Lets go out for breakfast!


About rocjoe

Once a full-time software developer. Chances are if you've paid for a beer or a sandwich on any major airline in the past 5 years, code I wrote has reached you. I shifted to part-time software developing about a year ago, as a step towards a better quality of life. I still code but the 20-hour work days are a thing of the past. Lately I amuse myself by pretending I am a witty and insightful blogger. All three of those things ("witty", "insightful" and "blogger") are totally false. My promise to you: nowhere in this blog will you see source-code or technical speak. This is purely a blog for personal fun and discovery. View all posts by rocjoe

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