Tips For Girlfriends: Keeping the TV Remote for Yourself

In most films people fight for world domination, my life is a fight for domination of the TV, tonight I am victorious! FEAR ME!


Tip #1: The Old “Rope-a-Dope”

Tempt boyfriend to set down the remote-control by dangling a video game controller in front of him. Unbeknownst to him, you smashed the video game console with a golf club so it won’t play games or even switch on anymore. While he fruitlessly attempts to make the game console turn on, hide remote control (see tip #3). Other items that you can dangle in front of boyfriend to make him let go of the remote:

  1. Bag of chips
  2. Beer
  3. A DVD of “Slapshot!”
  4. Breasts

Try to alternate these items from one night to the next so boyfriend does not get suspicious too soon.

Tip #2: If Distraction Doesn’t Work, then Really Distract Him

With remote in hand there is only one thing that will cause a man to loosen their grip on a remote: sex (well, “duh!”).

So, after shagging him senseless with a senseless shag, gently prise the remote from his hand (I know he didn’t let go of it during, really we’re sorry about that but when you catch us by surprise….). If boyfriend still has his wits about him, attempt conversation to ensure he passes out cold before attempting a second time to remove the remote.

Tip #3: Hide the Remote for Later Use

Try putting the remote somewhere the boyfriend would normally never go near. A few good spots are:

  1. Next to a sink full of dirty dishes
  2. Behind the Smirnoff Ice
  3. The passenger seat of any car he might drive
  4. Directly on top of the washing machine

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

This article guarantees you access to The Good Wife, reruns of Gilmore Girls, that annoying movie with Julia Roberts and that other guy, or whatever other crap you like to watch, but why should I be doing this? Well, only once you have the remote for yourself can you possibly understand the awesome power and responsibility that we boyfriends try to shield from you every night. Heavy hangs the hand that carries the television remote. With a little first-hand experience I’m sure you will agree that your boyfriend must be King-of-the-Remote EVERY NIGHT FROM NOW ON.


About rocjoe

Once a full-time software developer. Chances are if you've paid for a beer or a sandwich on any major airline in the past 5 years, code I wrote has reached you. I shifted to part-time software developing about a year ago, as a step towards a better quality of life. I still code but the 20-hour work days are a thing of the past. Lately I amuse myself by pretending I am a witty and insightful blogger. All three of those things ("witty", "insightful" and "blogger") are totally false. My promise to you: nowhere in this blog will you see source-code or technical speak. This is purely a blog for personal fun and discovery. View all posts by rocjoe

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