Yep. That novel is practically writing itself. Oops, did I say “practically” I meant “literally”, because if that novel is getting written, I sure as hell am not the one doing all the typing.
That’s right, I have fairly little time as it is to write, what with my one-man mission to finish every last game of Spider Solitaire. At this rate, I may get to complete this goal shortly before I die of old age. But you know, it’s wise to have multiple life-goals so when one of them doesn’t work out you can always fall back on another just as easily as falling for another Nigerian-banker-scam.
Most of the time I’m just waiting for the right moment to come along to put the finishing touches on that novel that I’ve barely started. Lucky for me I have a really clear idea of what I should be thinking while I write novels, when I eventually get around to it. yeah, I’ve go it all “up here”… I’ll be all like “I am so writing an awesome novel”. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s what Mark Twain was overheard muttering to himself when he wrote Huck Finn… check his autobiography if you don’t believe me. I don’t have to because I’m just that sure, but you do whatever the hell you like.
Sure, I know you tend to bump into me at the same Starbucks day in day out, but don’t you have anything better to do than to criticize my reliability and constancy? I mean it’s not like you’ve never seen me working, because if you did you’d know that working is exactly what I’m doing right now and that’s why you suck. That, and you deliberately threw out my empty coffee-cup. Now I’m going to have to buy another “Short Americano” or the barista is going to ask me to leave. Thank you very much for that.